I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
