i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
