Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize