Im at strip club and am horny
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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