If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
