Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
