It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
