He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
