So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
