Sober January is a disaster.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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