The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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