we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
