he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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