i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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