Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
