My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
