I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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