I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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