Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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