I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
