he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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