He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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