i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
