Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
