I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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