Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
