you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
