How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
