I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
