wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
