I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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