my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they need to just BURY HIM!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
