the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
