Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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