then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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