drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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