she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
