I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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