When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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