My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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