i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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