whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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