All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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