I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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