Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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