He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
