My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
