i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
