so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
