the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
