Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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