You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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