I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
