I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
