genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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