Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
