We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
