Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
