she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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