Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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