Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
