Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
