Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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