Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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